Mark Zuckerberg has been officially invited to participate in the final of the World Wizard Championship, held in Russia over the summer of 2018. An unexpected contender, his invisibility stunt following the Cambridge Analytica scandal left the jury completely baffled and mesmerised. A senior committee member of the Championship who spoke to How To Date …
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In a move hailed by The Movement for the Rights of Magical Creatures as ‘groundbreaking’, Uber has announced it will now include ‘UberCentaur’ as an option for people ordering transportation. One centaur eager to sign up as a driver said: “Centaurs actually have an incredible advantage over cars: we can walk on pavements and skip …
The Evil Trust has become embroiled in the latest political scandal coming out of the US: members of the senior council interfered with the US presidential elections that resulted in the election of Donald Trump. Even though the organisation was only set up by The Council of Demons less than a month ago, The Evil …
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The Bank of England has agreed to extend a multi-billion pound cash loan to The Leprechauns after they accidentally spent all the gold in their cauldrons. A spokesman for The Leprechauns released this statement: “It’s really embarrassing. We thought the gold would just fill up automatically every time we spent it all. We planned to …
There were several wounded this morning after angels collided into another while going round a roundabout. Investigators looking into the crash point to Red Bull-spiked semi-skimmed milk as being the source of their disorientation. One angel spoke to How To Date a Magical Creature on condition of anonymity: “I had my usual semi-skimmed milk this …
The Council of Demons has officially launched “The Evil Trust”. The new organisation will be headquartered in Luxembourg for tax purposes, with branches opening up in Paris, London, New York and LA. Its official motto is: “Don’t Be Evil (Just Kidding)” A spokesman for the Council of Demons said: “We’re incredibly excited to begin this …
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Allegations have emerged that the Olympic Fairy team used illegal fairy dust to boost their performance during the Winter Olympics 2018. The team were praised for their incredible haul of gold medals in basketball, running, swimming and archery, which they explained as being the result of a hard work, hard training, and more hard work. …
In a world first, London will be opening its first lane of traffic dedicated to dragons from Hackney in East London to Ealing in West London, after safety concerns that drivers are getting accidentally roasted on the road. It’s been an open secret for years. Since Dragons have started sharing the traffic lanes with human …
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The organisation “Witches can be Vegan and Still be Witches” has launched its new campaign as part of its general push into the eradication of animal products in the production of spells. Their spokesperson Victoria Malfoy said: “It’s time for witches and wizards to recognise that using toads in a standard spell isn’t necessary. Broccoli …
Jeremy Corbyn has denied allegations from members of his own party that he is in fact a wizard. A Labour MP who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of magical reprisals confided: “I mean it’s the only explanation. I don’t understand how he’s been able to build such a huge following without wizarding powers. Look …