Jeremy Corbyn has denied allegations from members of his own party that he is in fact a wizard. A Labour MP who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of magical reprisals confided: “I mean it’s the only explanation. I don’t understand how he’s been able to build such a huge following without wizarding powers. Look at his eyes, his beard and the way he dresses. No one dresses like that these days do they?? To me it’s as clear as a crystal ball: what looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, is clearly a duck.”
Mr Corbyn appeared on Newsnight last night to defend himself against the rumours. He did comment though that if he was a wizard, he would have made Theresa May disappear a long time ago, and made Claudia Schiffer fall madly in love with him.
Good choices Jezza!
ps: this article may or may not have been written with the financial support of Momentum.